Parenting Help and Tips

I assume if you are reading this you need some advice on an unruly child.  I hope its not more than one!

My mother was a great example of the perfect parent.    By the time I was ten, she was 55.  She had the patience of a grandmother and the wisdom too.  My siblings - all 15 years or more older than me - had a completely different experience in our home.  Our parents were not happy during that time and they hadn't fully grown up themselves.

Recently, my child's teacher asked me to please have more children.

My knowledge of parenting was really enhanced by one professor in college, Dr. Brown.  He taught child psychology.  His knowledge was deep and profound and everything I learned, I repeated to my best friend who had two small children.  They are successful teenagers now.  I brought my older sister to classes with me just because he was so interesting.  Her child was already grown at the time.

The story he told that I remember most was about orphan infants in Mexico(?) that were left in their cribs all day with no human contact although they were fed and kept clean.  

Sadly, most of these children died anyway.  

I wrote my thesis for that class on the inability to spoil a child from 0-12 months.  The only thing they want at that age is a safe loving human.  Food and cleanliness is secondary.  Children in Africa have a better chance than the children in the above study.  Yes, it was a cruel and brutal study.  But it did teach us so much about children and their need to be held.

If your child is younger than 12 months, your biggest priority is to hug that baby.  And feed it, of course.  But I'm making a point.  If you can you should touch that baby almost all day.  I don't want to get into sleeping with your baby.  That's a scary issue I'm not qualified to speak about.  But don't have that baby if you can't commit to this.  Its the most important time of their life.

Once your child is 12 months you can start setting all the rules.  The tighter you keep them under your power (with lots of love) the safer they will feel.  They want rules.  It means you are in charge and they can relax.  I started discipline at about this time.  My daughter behaved gradually better and better as she learned her boundaries.  I didn't let her get away with anything and never laughed when she behaved badly.  When she misbehaved I was on it immediately.  I never waited or yelled across the room, ever.  I got up went to her and dealt with it in a very calm but serious manner.  If you do this for their first three years, you should be done with parenting.  Once they get it, they stop trying.

But if you wait, laugh, or yell, you will never get control. Yelling to a child means you have lost control and now they are in power.   They don't like this and respond by acting out more. 

Three years, that's all I'm asking and you should never have a problem again until they are a teen.   


If you are beyond the age of three, then you need to start using the silent treatment whenever you can.  If they are not hurting themselves or others by their behavior then you must ignore it.  If you've tried everything else, do this.  Of course, if you can reason with them, you don't need my advice.

If you can't take them in public, I wouldn't go if at all possible or leave them with someone else.  You don't want to set yourself up for a battle you can't win in public.  Your power is weakened with an audience.   And they know it.   You want to win all the battles.

More importantly, when they are behaving good you must love on them as much as possible even when you don't feel like it.  "Great job!" even if forced, is still working.  You're handsome, lookin' sharp, you are smart, you are talented, beautiful, etc etc etc.... You are the cheerleader.   Confidence in life can get you farther than anything else.

24 hours a day:

1.  Quick, calm discipline
2.  Ignore bad behavior unless injury is possible.
3.  Love/hug/praise as much of the good kid they are as you have time in the day,

no exceptions for not feeling like it!  
Share your feelings (if appropriate) about life with them.  Ask their advice!

Once you get this under control, you will be free!  You will be able to trust your child to behave well without you.  You can do it.  Just commit!

Hubpages Ugh

I started writing on Hubpages a couple of years ago when I had free time.  I took my articles seriously and cared about the quality of my writing.  After posting a new article on HP and a new page on Blogger, it was obvious that blogger left me to be me.  While someone or thing at HP has marked my article as unworthy content(?).  I had a relationship story in a relationship section which I thought was well thought out.  Whatever, I've made $25 for 17 articles in two years.  Why do I bother to be criticized?  I know that part of the problem is that they have instituted a system of automatic probation.  Still I am competing for attention with the lowest form of journalists(?) and it just doesn't seem worth it.  Will I keep writing there?  Maybe.  I don't believe in just getting clicks for a click's sake.  I have to write for me and not focus on the editors. 

So forgive me if my grammar isn't perfect...

Here we go

Since I have had this account, I have been trying to figure out how to use it.  I started with airing all my dirty laundry and then soon deleted those posts in regret!  I am a music teacher and I thought I will use this mainly for a diary for my students to see their progress in one place.  I have 30 public and 18 private students now and can't remember anything anymore!  I also need a reason to come back.

However, I decided to just let it ride and see what comes up to the top.

Today, I have one 1 1/2 hours of lessons in my home.  First there's MB.  A sweet 12 year old who unfortunately looks 15 already.  She gives me a mediocre effort and little home practice.  Her grandmother does most of the raising which is common in this area.  Grandma is down with a hip/back/knee injury so grandpa is filling in reluctantly.  I've never met her mother.  I've had her in my school class for 2 years plus privates.  Sad.

Then there's my rising star:    

Rachael Wilson.  

She is going to be famous and I want you to remember her name.  She's 11 and has more determination in her little finger than I do in my entire body.  She believes she'll make it.  In several months, she has become a small town professional, getting gigs all over.  But she still has a long way to go.   Ring! Her father just called to talk about her jobs this weekend while I'm writing this!  He's a stage father for sure.  He wanted to discuss the musical direction we are taking.  Ugh. Sometimes I just want to teach.

Rachael sings national anthem for Sacramento River Cats

Another parent just hung up.  After ditching two lessons in a row (I'm out $40), I gave away her son, RW's, appointment time.  She was also supposed to pay a month in advance and is now a week overdue.  But she rearranged her schedule to my only time offered (which I opened for her).  We will see if her kid can do it.  He was "sick' about every two weeks before she ditched me.   It's too bad since he has a lot of natural talent.